This time of year always leaves me feeling a little bleak, my reserves of colour and inspiration gathered throughout the warm months have depleted and I'm left feeling rather flat. One area that gets massively effected is my confidence. On the surface I'm a bubbly chatty person, eight years as a PA have given me the ability to talk to anyone from a very important CEO of a multinational company to the cleaner that empties the bins (for the record I have much more respect for the cleaner) but inside I struggle with believing in myself.
When I was ten my teacher, who was a poisonous women, told me I was stupid. She sat us all down and said those of you at the back of the room are clever and those at the front need help - there I was at the front in the very centre, it still makes me feel sick to this day. I wish twenty-three years on I could shake that feeling, its clouded everything from job interviews to friendships and now I'm finding its creeping into my creative work.
I still feel silly promoting what I do here on my blog - I get hugely embarrassed when I talk to someone new about it but I shouldn't. When I do the dreadful thing of comparing stats and other peoples opportunities I feel like the ten year old at the front of the classroom. I know its ridiculous and needs to stop. I've always squeezed my blog in between a full time job, wedding planning, house renovating, growing and raising a baby and I should be really proud. I've set up workshops teaching my own projects, worked with some great brands (hi there Liberty), written regularly for Mollie Makes, almost written a book (more on that soon) and created a blog/hashtag project that has now taken on a life of its own - all as a hobby!
As I always count Easter as the start of a new year, I'm going to do things a little differently this year. When doubt strikes (currently 100 times a day), I'll promote myself a little more, when I start to compare, I'll remember what I have already done. Just writing this post has been a massive step and thank you if you've reached the end, I'll keep you updated with my progress.